The Misadventures of Cheesy, Ambo and Lemo
by Lemo
Summary: Here is is folks! The completely unplotted Misadventures of the Trio of weird freaky freaks! Now with slash! And femslash! And PLOT!
1. Shnow

The Misadventures of Cheesy, Ambo and Lemo.

A/n, Here it is folks! The random, non-plotted fic about the Trio of weird freaky freaks! Yaaaaaay!

It was December at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft, Wizardry and Mutant Ninja Vampires. Lemo, Cheesy and Ambo _loved_ winter here because it snowed. It _never _snowed in New Zealand or Australia.

"I love winter." Cheesy declared as she packed a snowball in her mittened hands and threw said snowball at Timmy Weasley, who started to cry.

"Me too." Lemo said. She was digging through the snow with a large spoon, on her tall cat-in-the-hat hat she had a dozen or so buttons (that said things like 'I heart PIE' and such) and a sign sticking out of the top proclaiming 'China or bust'.

"Me seven." Ambo added. "Though it's kinda shit ever since the Dark Lord Harry banned Christmas."

"Yeah, I miss Christmas." Cheesy said chucking another snowball at Timmy.

The all paused in whatever they were doing and sighed.

Then they got over it. After all, they had Harrymas now, which was basically the same.

"Shall we pelt Timmy with snowballs?"

"Yes, lets."

Lemo climbed out of her hole while Cheesy and Ambo packed snowballs. Cheesy transfigured a couple of rocks into a cannon and the loaded it with their precious ammo.

"FIRE!" Ambo yelled.

As instructed, Lemo pulled the little cordy thing and the magic powered snowball flew at Timmy…

"FUCK!"

"GOTTEM!" Cheesy shouted in triumph. The three girls then proceeded to dance like crazy milk cartons.

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" The cackled.

"And now I'm bored." Lemo muttered as she tripped over the cannon and fell down her hole.

"Me too." Cheesy said.

"Me seven." Ambo answered, helping Lemo out as the sides of the hole to China collaped.

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!" the all shouted falling to their knees.

"And now I'm over it." Ambo said.

"Myes."

"Myes."

"Let's go inside."

And so they did.


	2. A new Year and Jub

The Misadventures of Cheesy, Ambo and Lemo.

A/N: Chapter twooooooooo! The starts 'bout Timmeh coz people are asking 'bout him. And by people, I mean it was in a dream. OK! I'm gonna morph The Misadventures of Cheesy, Ambo and Lemo with The adventures of Timmy Weasley and Pustullio, M'k? M'k. In this chapter we meet a new character, see flying cuttlerly, and who exactly are Timmy's parents!

PS I wrote this is Math class and Detention XD

Chapter Two

It was a new year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and the Great hall was filled with students from the second year up who were anxiously awaiting the Sorting.

… Well… Kinda …Ambo, Lemo and Cheesy were throwing shite at Timmy from across the room.

Timmy was trying to ignore them and watched as the first years filed in to be sorted.

"So, Timmy," started Samuel Finnegan-Thomas –

Yes I _did _pair Seamus and Dean together, got a problem with that? No? Then lets continue…

"Anyway," Samuel began again, looking around for the random voice that interrupted him. "Everyone around school was wondering–" he paused so Timmy could recover from the blow that the goblet that Lemo threw at him, "–who exactly are your parents? I mean, we know you're a Weasley, but there are a shit-load of Weasley's in the world."

"Well," Timmy began, rubbing the bump on his head where he had been hit by a plate, "I'm actually an illegitimate love child conceived when Fred and George got drunk and had sex. Fangirls love mPreg y'know."

Samuel stared at him. "Roooight…" he muttered, edging away from Timmy as though he had some kind of extremely-lightning-fast super rabies.

Timmy Just shrugged and ducked when someone yell 'knife!'.

Over at the Slytherin table, the Trio of Weird Freaky Freaks had almost run out of shite to chuck at Timmy.

… Damn… It was just getting entertaining too…

Cheesy biffed the last spoon at Timmy's head – hitting him right in the giant pimple – cheered, and looking around as if a though had just hit her like the smell wafting out of the boys bathroom.

…Myea…Right, anyway…

"Hey, where's Lemo?" she asked Ambo, who was busy filling her giant mug (which she had nicked back from Professor Potter) with mince from the many pies she was dissecting.

"Eh?" she looked up from the grotesque scene of pie-ish death. "Oh, I think she went find some personage that twas sorted a few mo's ago." She said, returning to her task.

Then, as if on cue (imagine that…), Lemo appeared, clinging to the arm of a girl who looked about the same age as the Trio.

"Friends, Romans, Countrymen," Lemo announced dramatically, "I introduce, Jub!"

Jub waved enthusiastically. She was dressed oddly for a Slytherin, even a newly sorted one. Under her black school robe she wore a dress of bright pink, a colour that matched the shade of her bubblegum-ish hair.

"Greetings, Jub!" Ambo and Cheesy said in unison. "Would you care for some pie?"

"I would lobe some!" Jub said sitting down between Lemo and Ambo and started wolfing down all the steak and cheese pie she could see.

"Myay! A new friendly!" Cheesy cried.

"Who likes pie!" Ambo added.

"I thought you'd enjoy the company of Jumbles." Lemo said petting Jub on the head.

And so, the trio made a new friend and became a foursome…or not coz that sounds sick and disquesting.

TEH ENDS!


	3. Steve

Unclaimer: Lemonsa no owns, no sue her. 'sides I only own this stuffed turtle. AND YOU AIN'T GETTING I, FUCKAAAA!

**Chapter : 3 : Steve**

Cheesy and Ambo woke up in the Slytherin dorm rooms on the first day of classes

"Shchool time!" Cheesy yelled.

"Oh what fun we shall have!" Ambo helped with the yelling, succeeding in waking up the rest of their dorm peoples.

Then they both stopped with the omg-it's-too-fucking-early-to-be-yelling yelling and looked over to the bed situated between Ambo's and Jub's. It was empteh!

"WHERE'S THE LEMON!" the screamed in panic.

"Citrum, where for art thou Citrum!" wailed Ambo.

The pair leapt out of their pickle and cheese shaped beds and dressed quickly before running downstairs to the Slytherin common room.

"LEMON!" they yelled.

Of course, they had no idea of the changes that Lemon had gone through over night! Muahahahahahaha! I know!

…Sorta…I'm really just winging this thing, letting the creative juices flow.

…Ew…Dirty…

Anyway!

"Lemo ain't home right now," said a voice-that-sounded-like-Lemo-but-obviously-wasn't-because-it-sounded-like-a-dude from behind them. "She decided I would be a better candidate for the more violent pranks she had planned."

Cheesy and Ambo whipped around so fast that they almost became whipped cheese and whipped…Ambo…And then I'd have to put them in those cool ass lil spray can thingys…

w00t for spray can thingys!

Anyways…

"Steve!" they cried.

Myes! For it wasn't Lemo, it was Steve! Lemo's other personality whom hasn't been mentioned until now.

"Yo." greeted Steve. Steve was the more…violent of Lemo's personalities. He was taller than Lemo (somehow…This is teh Potterverse, ok? Everything and anything can happen as long as I get it on paper), his hair was shorter, and he wore red pants and a black top instead of Lemo's freakishly curly black dress 'cause that would be weird. He did like to wear Lemo's purple (or as I like to say, plurple) eyeliner though. Steve always wore Lemo's beanie though, 'cause Lemo would have killed him if he went out in public without it due to chronic hat-hair.

"So, Steve," Cheesy began. "It's been a few months, how's it going?"

"It's been rather boring living in Lemo's head with all her other personalities." He said. "Her head is rather…empty."

…Mumbob says that all the time…bitch…

Ambo tilted her head to the side. "Lemo has more than two personalities?" she questioned.

Steve went all shifty eyed. "Let's not go into that right now…"

"Alright…" Ambo said eyeing him suspiciously. "Hey...Don't you usually carry around a huge axe?"

"Myea, It's up in the boys dorm." Steve answered.

Cheesy raised an eyebrow. "Why's it up there?"

"Well I wouldn't exactly put it in the girls dorm, could I? You lot are all…nekkid in there…" he answered pulling a face.

"Roooight…Let's go to breakfast." Cheesy said, turning to go up the stairs leading out of the dungeons.

"Rap sucks."

Steve and Cheesy nodded to Ambo's random (and true) comment.

"That it does, Ambo," Steve said putting his arms over hers and Cheesy's shoulders and leading them out the door. "That it does."

w00tscenechange!

When the trio entered the Great Hall, they hadn't expected to be glomped by a flying pink ball called Jub.

"Meh friendlies!" She yelled, pulling all three of them into a choking hug. She then paused and narrowed her eyes as Timmy Weasley walked past. "It's the pimple," she hissed glaring at the pus filled zit attached to Timmy's greasy little weasel face. "I'll get that bastard, just you wait…."

Steve took Jub by the shoulders and steered her towards the Slytherin table. "Come and eat breakfast," he said. "I'll beat Timmy up for you later."

"Myay!" she cried and pranced off to the breakfast table.

"Onward to victory!" Ambo yelled, and, using her arms like wings, 'flew' off after Jub.

Cheesy and Steve planned to follow, but were, once again, glomped.

"CHEESEH!" shouted the blue haired boy who was currently attached to her and Steve's shoulders.

"Mr. Sexy!" Cheesy shouted back. "…You're nekkid…"

"Myea! Nudie run all the way, man!" Mr. Sexy whooped gleefully. Indeed, Mr. Sexy had ditched his leather pants and grey top in favor of…nothing.

"Oh…wow…" Steve blinked staring at Mr. Sexy's ass...ets. Myea, assets. cough

"So, Mr. Sexy, wanna go have hot gay sex sometimes?"

"Sure!" Mr. Sexy replied. "But for now I must go put my clothes back on. Woooooooooosh!"

With that, Mr. Sexy ran off to the dungeons.

"When'd he get his nipple pieced?" Steve asked.

"Over the Summer Vacay." answered Cheesy.

Once Cheesy and Steve FINALLY made it to breakfast, they discovered Ambo and Jub had devoured all the pies! Those fiendish bastards!

So Steve had toast instead. Oh the toasty goodness! Toast kicks pie's ass any day!

Ambo jumped out of her seat and looked up at the ceiling, "HOW CAN YOU SAY/TYPE SUCH A THING!" she screamed.

"Your words BURN US!" cried Jub.

Ha! I laugh at your toastless pain!

Steve just continued eating his toast and Cheesy stole Jub's last pie like the thiefa she is. OOOOH WHAT A WONDROUS MORNING!

**TEH END, MAN!**

Is P.E class over yet?

**A RANDOM MINI INTERLUDE THINGY!**

"Hey Steve?"

"Myes, Ambo?"

"Where does Lemo go when you're in control of her body?"

"Hell."

"…Hell?"

"Myea. That's where our family lives, so Lemo goes all out-of-body-experience like and goes home for a while."

"That lucky bitch…She has the internet there doesn't she!"

"Indeed she does, Ambo, indeed she does."

**TEH END, AGAIN!**

Dude, someone's smoking and it shmells bad.


	4. First Classes

Chapter Four: First Classes _or_ Lemo ain't a seer but she knows how y'all gonna die.

As breakfast ended, Steve suddenly squeaked and fled from the Great Hall.

Cheesy, Ambo, Jub and Mr. Sexy (who had joined them 10 minuets into the breakfasting) all stared at the doors Steve had exited in silence.

"What the fuck was that?" Ambo asked after 2.879 seconds of silence.

"That was Steve, fleeing from the great hall as if rats were eating his shoes and he was standing on lava." Cheesy answered, picking at her toast.

"Well that explains the squeaking…" Ambo muttered, turning back to her breakfast pie.

"…How can the rats eat his shoes if they're on lava?" Mr. Sexy inquired.

"They're supa-fire-pwa-rats. Duh." Cheesy said, looking over her toast at Mr. Sexy with a 'Jeez, you retard' look.

"I knew it all along…" Jub muttered, looking around the room suspiciously as if she expected one supa-fire-pwa-rats to jump out of the shadows and eat her precious breakfast goods.

"Can someone pass me a toasted muffin?" Lemo asked from her seat between Cheesy and Ambo.

"Sure!" Cheesy said cheerfully, before freezing, shrieking, and leaping back away from Lemo. "LEMEH! Where'd j00 come from!"

Lemo shrugged. "Hell, I guess."

"Oh, ok." Cheesy passed her the toasted muffin.

"Aaah toasted m00ffin goodnss." Lemo murmured, petting the muffin with surprising tenderness, before stuffing the whole thing into her mouth while chewing loudly and laughing manically.

Ambo petted Lemo's head. "Lemo enjoys her m00fins of toastedness so very muchly."

Jub stood up, "Well I'm off to that class where stuff happens!"

"You mean Muggle Studies?"

"Yeah! Internet here I come!"

"I'll come too!" Mr. Sexy declared.

Cheesy and Ambo glared at Jub and Mr. Sexy's retreating backs. "Luckeh…" The muttered.

Lemo just stuffed another muffin in her mouth.

Lemo, Cheesy and Ambo sat in Transfiguration class and waited for the teacher to arrive. Cheesy glared across the room at Timmy who cowered further into the corner of the classroom.

Does anyone feel bad for Timmy?

…No?

I thought not.

The door flew open and Professor McGonagall strode into the room.

"Good morning, class, and welcome to your first Transfiguration lesson of the year, we're going to start off with-" she paused and looked at Lemo who was waving her arm around in the air like it was on fire.

But this wasn't potions class, so it wasn't.

"Yes, Miss Lemon?" McGonagall sighed. She knew what was coming, everyone did. Lemo asked the same question every year.

"Are we gonna learn how to turn desks into piggehs?" Lemo asked.

"No." The teacher – who was, by now, considering retirement- answered. "We learn that in sixth year."

"But none of us are gonna live that long! Teach us NOW, BITCH!" Lemo yelled, standing up and pointing her finger at McGonagall.

McGonagall narrowed her eyes, "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "What's happening before sixth year?"

"Apocalypse." Lemo shrugged calmly. "Mombob and Mr. God Pants are clearing out the earth in a couple of years.

"What! Why!" That Finnigan kid yelled out.

"Coz you all suck." Lemo said sitting down. "Oh. They're letting all meh friendlies live, though, coz I lobe them."

Ambo and Cheesy grinned.

Finnigan laughed nervously. "I'm your friend, right?"

Lemo raised and eyebrow. "Can't you read? The great and pwafull author can't even remember your first name!" (A/N: it's true, I can't. Whoever CAN remember it gets a prize!) "So I don't think you're all that important."

Finnigan visibly drooped. "Oh."

Cheesy rolled her eyes. "Oh suck it up, you wenis. An eternity in Hell ain't all that bad; Mrs. Lemo's Mumbob only tortures a few poor souls nowadays, most peoples just become minions. J00 get a pitchfork and everything!"

"There's a special rule though," Ambo began. "If you know how to turn a desk into a piggeh, you get invited to all the best partehs."

Needless to say, but I will, they spent the rest of the lesson learning how to turn a desk into a piggeh.

A/N: I dedicate this chapter to Ambo! Even though she can't read it coz she has no access to a 'puter over in America!

Prize may be totally crappy, worthless, and my just be a hug. Or a reference to a hug.


	5. The One With The Femslash

_Cheesy: AHAHAHAHAHA! IT'S ME! THE EVIL BETA! AGAIN! Bet you thought Lemo got rid of me, huh? WELL YOU WERE WRONG! I'M BACK AND SCARIER THAN EVER! No, seriously. My hair's gone all poofy. Fecking water. Anyways… ahahahaha… yodel… AAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMBBBBBOOOOOOOO! COME BACK AMBO! –cries-_

Chapter 5: the one with the Femslash.

Ok…I think this story needs some **warnings**. Ok, in the last chapter there was slash and there might be some in this one. In here there's some 'drug' use and femslash 'tween Lemo and Cheesy.

Ok now Mr. I-Don't-Own-A-Goddamn-Thing AKA the Unclaimer…Well, hey, would'ya look at that? All done!

Lemo and Cheesy sat in potions class with Mr. Sexy and Jub. The two kept sighing and it was slowly sending Jub and Mr. Sexy insane.

"Alright, what's wrong with you two? And where the flying goat is Ambo?" Jub demanded.

"Ambooooo!" Cheesy wailed, breaking down in tears.

"There, there." Lemo said soothingly as Cheesy sobbed into her shoulder. "Ambo shall return to us one day, with novelty pens!"

"…So where's Ambo?" Me. Sexy asked.

"Disneyland."

"…Disneyland?"

"Oh hey, he's like a parrot! I always wanted a parrot! I shall call you Poopie."

"Isn't Poopie a vampire?" Jub asked.

"SHHH!" Lemo and Cheesy…er…shhhed. "That story was taken down! We must never speak of it!"

At that moment, Professor Potter stormed into the room, looking rather grumpy. Cheesy's tears miraculously stopped so she could ask a smart-ass question.

"Jeez, what crawled up your ass, Professor?" asked Cheesy.

"Not Draco." The Dark Ruler/Professor sighed.

"Well that sucks." Lemo said, either not hearing or ignoring the Professor's mutter of 'I wish it did'.

"Anyway!" Professor Potter snapped out of his sulk. "I'm meant to be teaching you shit! Right, we're doing a potion, and if you fuck it up something wild and crazy that no one expects will happen! Get in pairs and instructions will be on the board in a mo. And stop stealing from my storerooms! I have Veritaserum!"

Everyone got busy with the potion-making, Lemo and Cheesy paired together and Mr. Sexy and Jub doing the same.

"What the toast are we making anyway?" Lemo asked.

"A Scintillating Solution." Cheesy answered.

Jub blinked. "What does that do?"

"No one knows," Mr. Sexy said while chopping up some Ginger roots and dropping them in the bubbling potion.

"So…Why are we making it then?"

"Because, I wanna test it." Professor Potter intruded, laughing slightly manically.

"Well that's mean."

"Shut up."

Forty minutes later every was finished with their potions-anizing. All the potions were a light purple colour.

Except Lemo's and Cheesy's; there's was at least three shades of green.

"Lemo," Cheesy began. "Did you put something in the potion that wasn't _meant_ to go in the potion."

"I _may_ have put a complementary ham sandwich in there."

"We're going to fail. Yay!"

"Right, everyone test your potion!"

"We're going to die."

"Mumbob'll bail us out."

Cheesy and Lemo sighed and filled a couple of goblets with the gooey liquid. They quickly swallowed the concoction before slamming the goblets down on the table.

"Hmm. Tastes like when you chew sweet mint gum then drink diet coke." Lemo said.

"Tastes like gin to me." Cheesy replied.

"That's what I said."

"Suuuuure y'did. So you feel any different?"

"Kinda. I have the strangest urge to make you my bitch. You have a nice ass y'know."

"I wouldn't mind being your bitch. Wanna go have hot femslash sex in a broom cupboard?"

"Sure!"

The two linked arms and walked out of the class room, ignoring the way every was staring at them.

"Well…That wasn't what I expected to happen…" Professor Potter said. "What'd everyone else's potions do…Oh."

The Dark Lord/Potions Man now realized why his class had been silent and the author hadn't focused on them throughout Lemo and Cheesy's entire conversation; they'd all been turned into hats.

"Well shit."

THE END

I guess.

Until I add more! WoOOOoooo! There may be a part two to this chapter!


	6. I am Batman!

Chapter Something: I am Batman

It was Halloween (myea I missed a lot of shit, but STFU or GTFO) and Cheesy, Ambo, Jub, Mr. Sexy and Steve were sitting at the Slytherin table. Duh. Steve sat between Mr. Sexy and Hub; Ambo and Cheesy on the other side of the table, he had one arm around Mr. Sexy, the other was rooting (Ahahaha rooting) around in a bowl of candy, looking for the delicious caramally ones to later put in a bag for Lemo.

"Cheesy, could you pass the mint humbugs?" Jub asked.

"Sure I ca-" Cheesy paused. "What the stuffed orange penguin is a mint humbug?"

"I dunno," Jub shrugged. "They just sounded cool at the time."

"A perfectly adequate answer!" Ambo exclaimed, passing Jub the 'mint humbugs', which were, in fact, chocolate covered toast balls.

"Why thank yo-" Jub's courteous answer was cut off by the loud slamming sound the Great Hall doors emitted as they were...erm…slammed open.

"AFRO!" Professor Spartacus Batman yelled as he tumbled into the Great Hall. Of Greatness. "Afro in the dungeons!" With that he fell to the ground dramatically with a pathetic whimper of 'I am Batman'.

There was pandemonium in the Great Hall. What is pandemonium? I don't know! (Oms the dictionary says it's Hell! Cool!)

"Calm down, midgets!" Yelled Professor/Headmaster Potter. "Y'all go to your common rooms and…do your frigging homework for once or something! The teachers'll take care off all this shit."

"But the Slytherin common room in the fucking dungeons!" Random Thought Student #6 yelled.

"Look kid, my boyfriend stopped putting out because I hinted at his "Non-existent" Veela genes, so I;m in a bad mood, and I don't give a flying armadillos ass! Go to your Santa-forsaken common room!"

There was a mad rush for the doors; no one wanted to stay and face a sex-deprived man's wrath.

**EAT**_ME_I_TASTE_**OF**CHICKEN

Half way into the dungeons, Cheesy suddenly paused, causing Ambo to walk into her, Steve to walk into Ambo, and Mr. Sexy to walk into Steve (not that he minded too much). Where was Jub you ask? In front of Cheesy. Duh. Anyway, back to the glory that is Cheesy.

"Hey, why're we scared of an afro?"

"Um…coz it might be flesh eating?" Ambo suggested.

"Is it?" Steve asked no one in particular.

"No," answered Professor batman, who had conveniently passing by via ventilation shaft. "I only got a glimpse of it before fleeing like a frightened schoolgirl, but I don't think it was flesh eating," he said, before running off to his Batcave – er, I mean Quarters.

"Right then," Mr. Sexy began, ignoring the professors shouts of 'I am Batman!'. "I say we hunt down this 'Afro' and capture it and use it against our fellow man for evil, and not good! Who's with me?"

Everyone in the small group shouted "Meh!". Except for Ambo, who shouted "Spoooon!".

**OH**_DEAR_GOD_THEY'RE_**EATING**MY_FLEASH_

"Dun, dun, dun, dun dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dadadadaaa dadadaaaaa dadada dada- "

"Ambo will you stop with that infernal tune?"

"Silence, Jub! Do not diss the awesomeness that is the Mission Impossible Theme Song!"

"SHUTTHEFUCKUP!"

The five teens were currently slinking through the darkened corridors of the dungeons, each dressed in matching black ninja/spy suits that they'd found in Ambo's trunk. Not even Ambo knew where they'd come from.

"Target located," mumbled Steve.

Indeed, they could see a large, fluffy blob of hair just around the next corner.

"DIE MONSTER!" Cheesy screamed in battle cry, leaping off the wall and throwing herself at the Evil Afro.

Ambo, Jub, Mr. Sexy and Steve could see nothing but a large cloud of random…stuff that was randomly passing through.

"Oh dear god! They've got me, Bookbag!" An unfimiliiar voice screamed out.

"I'll save you Poofy!" A blck blur dived into the cloud of random, brandishing what looked ot be a spoon.

"I'm comin' for ya, Cheesy!" Ambo cried, running into the fight. "I'll save j0000!"

Steve, Mr. Sexy and Jub looked at each other, before pulling out there wands and yelling, "IMPEDIMENTA!", causing the four people in the cloud of random randomness to freeze in mid air. The cloud eventually decided this place sucked and went away. In its place were four airborne teens: Cheesy and Ambo obviously, and two other girls. One, the 'afro', had a large poofy tuft of blonde hair on her head (Duh where else would it be?...Oh EW!) and wore green and yellow stripped clothing under her Hufflepuff robes. The second girl had short, pointy black and red hair, and under her Ravenclaw robes she wore what looked like a fishnet outfit, with two thick strips of silver leather strategically placed over her chest and waist so that that the author didn't have to up the rating. She had the spoon. "See, it's not flesh eating," Jub said, ending the spell and making the four girls fall to the floor with a KAPOWZO! Lemo, who had taken Steve's place in thei shared body when no one was looking, dived onto the two unidentified girls.

"NEW BUDDIES!" She cried hapiily. "Tell us thou names, buddies of new!" "I'm Poofy, and this is Bookbag," The 'afro' said, pointing to her self and then her fishnet ocered friend. "Well that was a completely random and pointless adventure…" Mr. Sexy muttered to himself.

"LIES!" Cheesy cried. "We have gained new friendlies!"

"Come friendlies!" Ambo shouted. "We shall raid the Great Hall for abandoned candy!"

"Myay!" And so, they all buggered off to the Great Hall to eat candy. Myay. TEHENDBITCHES! A/N: Well it's 1am now so I shall shleep. THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO CHEESY! AKA RIANNA! COZ IT'S HER B'DAY TODAAAAAAY!

'Twas Ambo/Amber's yesterday, but whatever. She can have the next chapter. 


	7. Omg there's a plot? LIES!

Chapter…Whatever.: The actual plot begins.

A/N: There's meant to be another chapter before this, but I accidentally threw it in the bin when I was cleaning my lair- I mean room. All that happened was, they went flying, Lemo sucked at it and read Manga instead, and the author popped up to answer questions. Actually, I might re-write it and put it up one day. There was some important stuff there….

It was a normal day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Well, as normal as it can get with children on broomsticks in the air; people in robes waving wands around; and a group of teenagers being pulled into a nefarious plot full of drama, romance, murder and rabid fleas. But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Our story starts with a bang. Well, an earthquake.

Cheesy, Ambo, Jub, Poofy, Bookbag and Mr., Sexy were all sitting under a tree on the Hogwarts grounds. It was a steaming hot day, so they were all lounging around in the shade. Cheesy and Ambo were moping because there had been distinct lack of Lemo lately, Mr. Sexy was moping because of the distinct lack of Steve.

"Hey, Mr. Sexy?" Jub called from under a pile of ice cubes.

"Wha'?" he mumbled around the ice block he was currently licking. That's right; licking. Licking in that drool-inducing way only gay men can.

"Is it weird dating Steve?"

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well, Steve and Lemo share a body, right?" Nods all around. "So if you're dating Steve, aren't you dating Lemo as well?"

"FUCK OFF, SHE'S MINE!" Cheesy shouted, leaping to her feet. There was silence for a moment before she calmly sat back down. "You didn't hear that."

"Riiiiiiiiiiight," Mr. Sexy, er, righted. "Well anyway… Lemo's not there when Steve is; she's in hell. So it's not really like dating both of them."

"Where is Lemo, anyway?" Poofy asked.

"Well…I dunno," Bookbag answered. "I haven't really seen her _or_ Steve since yesterday."

"Hold the phone," Ambo said. "So neither Lemo nor Steve are here? Does that mean they're both in hell?"

As if on cue, chaos struck.

The ground ripped open, flames burst out from beneath the earth. Children that were outside screamed and ran back to the castle, but the group of teens under the tree were all either frozen in fear, or lazy and stupid. Slytherins were never really known for their courage…

"AND DON'T COME BACK UNTIL YOU LEARN SOME COMMON DECENCY!" A thunderous voice yelled from within the burning cavern, and two dark shapes were thrown from bellow the Earths crust and into a pile on the grass. The flames retreated and the ground closed up, leaving to evidence that the very flames of hell had just risen up onto the mortal plane.

From within the pile of dark clothes and limbs a head poked out. "You couldn't just read fanfiction like a _normal_ alternative personality, could you? Noooo you had to look up GAY PORN!"

"Shut up! You were looking at it too!"

"Lemo!" Cheesy and Ambo cried, leaping up from beneath the tree and throwing themselves at their third trio member.

"Steve!" Mr. Sexy cried, following suit and tackling his gay-lover-man to the ground.

"Lemo and Steve!" Bookbag, Poofy and Jub cried, leaping up to greet their friends. Halfway to their destination they paused.

"Wait…" Bookbag muttered.

"Something's not right," Poofy continues for her.

"Lemo _and_ Steve!" Jub cried.

Sure enough, there sat Lemo and Steve; side by side, in two different bodies.

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNN! What has caused this? What will happen? Where are the flies? I don't know! I wrote this randomly! I'm WINGING IT ALL!


	8. Interlude: Stinkeh's Birthday

Interlude: Stinkehs Birthday.

It was October the 15 and all was quiet in Hogwarts. Everyone had gone to class except for Lemo and Cheesy (even though it was a Sunday, but it was Sunday school then. Lemo and Cheesy are Santanic, they worship Santa) who were busy sneaking through the castle to the Headmaster's office, carrying a large brightly wrapped package between them.

"Right," Lemo said as they stood in front of the large flying moose statue that had replaced the gargoyle. "What's the password, you're Professor Potter's favorite student, due to stereotypical-ness you must know the password."

"Oh, and I do," Cheesy cleared her throat regally. " 'Draco is still as tight as virgin'."

The flying moose rotated on its axle (or it's magical turning thingy) and Lemo and Cheesy jumped on the Rotating Stairs of Death, humming the tune to 'I've Got A Lovely Bunch of Coconuts'.

Cheesy carefully opened the door and peaked inside. She looked left, then right, then up before deciding the coast was clear and throwing the door open with such force that it slammed against the wall and plaster fell from the ceiling.

"Honey! I'm home!" She shouted.

Silence.

"Right, no ones here."

"Success!" Lemo cried, initiating a high five before prancing over to the fireplace like a thirty-five year old llama on crack.

"Oi, Forks, where's the floo powder?" Cheesy asked the large phoenix that had been sitting on it's perch in the corner of the room (insert description of Headmaster's Office that is _so not_ copied straight out of the book).

"My name is not Forks, you pantsless imbecile, it is Reginald." The bird replied, puffing out it's chest like he was all that and a bag of po-ta-to chips.

"Oi, Regi, where's the floo powder?"

Reginald sighed. "Right there in the pot marked 'Floor Powder." To your left. No, your other left."

"Ingenious," Lemo muttered, picking up the pot that was at least three times the size of her head with large flashing neon letters on the outside saying "Floo Powder".

"D'ya think there'll be enough in it?" Cheesy asked, leaning over Lemo's shoulder to open the lid and peer into the pot.

"Maybe," Lemo lit the fire with her magical pwa's of awesomenss and dumped the whole pot of green soot-like crap into the 5 centimeter high fire, ignoring Reginald's cries of 'Don't do that you retarded balloon sucking two dollar coin'. No, I wasn't just making an insult up of this found on my computer desk. Shut up.

Cheesy and Lemo hurriedly grabbed the large gift and jumped into the flames. "Shizzle's House!" they cried.

After a lot of spinning, adventures with gnomes and the gaining of free ketchup packets, Lemo and Cheesy were spat out of the fireplace and onto a floor. A floor called Dances With Ducks. Cheesy's lounge room floor.

"Hi Cheesy and Lemo!" Cheesy's mother greeted them as she appeared out of nowhere like mother's do.

"Hi Shizzle!" they replied with grins as large as Jub's TV. Believe me it's fucking huge. That's what she said. :cough: Sorry, inside joke. "We have some to deliver Stinkeh's gift of awesome!"

"Kay! He's in his room!"

Cheesy and Lemo picked themselves off the floor, brushed not-so-imaginary soot of each other (sexily) and ran out of the room.

Fifteen seconds later they returned for the present.

And left the room again.

The stopped in front of one of Cheesy's older brothers' rooms; The Master of All That Is Smelly.

No that's not _his_ name, that's the room's name.

His name's Stinkeh.

"Stinkeh! Open the door!"

The door swung open dramatically, and out walked (gasp) Stinkeh!

"LOVE MEH!" He shouted.

"Happy Vaginal Expulsion Day!" Lemo and Cheesy cried, glomping him in a super birthday glomp.

"LOVE MEH!"

"We got you a present of awesome!" Lemo cried happily, pulling the giant gift into view.

"LOVE MEH!" Stinkeh threw himself at the gift, and the brightly coloured wrapping flew everywhere in his quest to gain access to his present.

Eventually, after five layers of wrapping, the present was reveled!

Dun dun dun dun daa!

A giant yellow top hat! How could Cheesy and Lemo have ever have known this was what Stinkeh had always wanted?!

'Cause they're just cool that way.

Stinkeh gleefully pulled on his hat and ran around the house holding up a sign that proclaimed "Ah'm Fanceh!" and shouting "LOVE MEH!".

Lemo and Cheesy grinned at one another.

"We did good?"

"Yeah, Lemeh, we did good."

ENDZBITCHES!!

A/N: Well welcome to the random chapter that has nothing to do with the suddenly devolved plot. This is an early birthday (VED) present for Cheesy's brother Stinkeh. Happy Oldnessday, Stinkeh!

EDIT: AHAHAHAHAHA DIE TYPOS! shoots typos


	9. Chapter of awesome

Welcome to the magical chapter of 'Lemo and Cheesy roleplay on Neopets'. Yes, we are the nerdiest of the nerds. Love us and our glory. **Cheesums is teh bold** Lemo is teh unbold.

Buttock.

Wooo Some random person joined! Our new buddy '**jadetreeko**' or Penguin! is underlined.

Also, Mr. Sexy is known as Mr. I.W.H (Or Mr. Insert Word Here) Coz we couldn't say 'Sexy' on Neopets.

Lemo skipped merrily through the hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft, Wizardry of Witchcraft, Wizardry and Mutant Ninja Vampires. It was Pie Day, the day of wonderful pie, and she was on her way to meet Ambo, and they would meet Cheesy, and then they would eat pie all day!

Or until they got full. Or bored. Or died. Whichever came first.

**Cheesy ran at top speed through the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. She was running from the man-eating tapato, which was slowly gaining on her.  
"PASSING ON THE LEFT!" Cheesy shouted.  
"Walking on the right", a random student said.  
"Standing by the lake", said another random students.  
"Looking at the ducks", said ANOTHER random student.**

"DUCKS!" Lemo screamed, throwing herself into the lake and onto a group of ducks that had been swimming happily. Ambo, who had been chasing after her, started yelling.

"Lemo! Cheesy's being chased by a man-eating tapato!"

"Not on my watch!" Lemo cried, striking a heroic pose. "And NOT on PIE DAY!"

**"IT BUUUURRRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNSSSSS!" Cheesy screamed as she ran through fire. Yes, apparently fire randomly appears in the hallways.  
"And the Lord said - LET THERE BE WATER!" Jebus, who randomly appeared, shouted, and the fire disappeared under a shwa of wawa.**

"Dun dun dun da da, dun dun dun da da, dun dun dun da da, da da da da!" Lemo and Ambo sung as they flew through the hallways Superman style. Yes, flew. They had gained these flying pwas from the magic talking hippo they passed on they way back from the lake.

Suddenly, they were hit by a giant shwa of wawa.

"Nuuuuuuu! I'm melting!" Lemo cried.

"Leeeeeeeeemooooooo!" Ambo yelled dramatically.

**"Nuuuuuuuu! Lemooooooooo!" Cheesy yelled, running in slow mo towards Lemo before she started giggling, "Ahahaha... Moo."**

Lemo and Ambo stood up in the calf (or canckle if your name is Martin) deep wawa and giggled.

"Ahahaha, moo."

Ambo pointed at Cheesy. "Cheesy's a cow!"

**Cheesy rolled her eyes. "I WISH! Nah, I'm totally the All Mighty Foreign Girl... of DOOM!... I guess."**

Lemo looked wistful, "I wish I was a cow. I want udders."

Ambo looked at Lemo like she was a slice of talking orange. "Right-o… Hey… Where's the topato…?"

Penguin appeared out of thin air before the three, and fell over. "Oww! Meanie groundy!"

**Cheesy grinned sheepishly. Ahahahaha... sheepishly... "Well, y'see, my darling - OMG PENGUIN!" she screeched, poking her, "Squuuuuuuishy."**

Penguin burst out in a laughing fit on the ground at the pokes. "Nuuuuu! Pokies . . ."

Lemo and Ambo completely forgot about the topato and stared at the penguin. "OH EM GEE!" They yelled.

"Squeeze it!" Ambo shouted.

"Squeeze it like you would an udder!"

Silence.

"Or is that just me?"

**"No, Lemo my lobe! You are not alone in the udder squeezing!" Cheesy said, striking a dramatic pose, "For I am also an udder-squeezer! For years I've done this in secret but now I can finally bring it out into the open! I LOVE YOU, LEMO MY LOBE!"  
And Cheesy then threw herself at Lemo.**

Penguin looked up and wriggled around off her back to get up. "No squishie! No squishie!" And ran around in a square yelling the word 'udders'.

Lemo somehow caught Cheesy with her magic catching pwas of catchyness, and cried happy tears of lemon goodness. "I am so glad I am not alone in my udder squeezing loveness! Oh the joy I feel! I'm almost as happy as that time I realized you could write 'crap' on Neopets!"

Ambo, on the other hand, was chasing Penguin around in the square (SQUARE DANCE!) muttering "Squeezie!" under her breath.

**Cheesy too cried tears of... Cheesy goodness, I guess... "I, too, felt joy when I realized I could write 'crap' on Neopets! BUT ALAS, THIS JOY IS MUCH BETTER! For now we can squeeze udders together FOREVER! JUST LIKE THE SADDLE CLUB!"**

Lemo narrowed her eyes. "There's a chick that looks like me on Saddle club. Damn her. Damn her to Hell. With Mumbob. And Steve. Where is Steve anyway?"

"In Hell." Ambo said from where she was still chasing the Penguin.

Penguin ran around and around, and eventually collapsed. While stuck on her back again, she listened to the conversation. "Ahhh, yes. Lovely, lovely word . . ." And closed her eyes, 'udderly' exhausted and not breathing.

**"He's always in hell!" came the usual complaint from Cheesy, Lemo and Ambo's good friend Josh, A.K.A Mr. Insert-Word-Here.  
"Get over it", Cheesy said from where she was still clinging to Lemo like there was a giant man-eating tapato after her.  
...oh wait, there was.**

"Oopps…" Ambo muttered, poking the Penguin with a stick. "I think I killed it."

"Oh well done Ambo!" Lemo scolded, waggling her finger at Ambo. "Now what are we gonna squeeze? Not Cheesy's butt!"

Silence.

"Ok well maybe Cheesy's butt."

Lemo turned to Mr. I.W.H. "Y'know, according to the latest chapter of ToWFFs, me and Steve are in separate bodies so... Y'know. He's here somewhere."

**Mr. I.W.H looked at Lemo, then at Cheesy, then at Ambo, then at Penguin, nudging her with his foot. "Heeey. Y'come here often?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.**

Penguin screamed at the poke and ran around in circles again. "Tapato! Tapato! Tapato!" She eventually ran into everyone and fell down again. Thus was her hobby.

Steve appeared out no where and slapped Mr. I.W.H. "You cheating insert forbidden swearword! I go to Hell for ten minuets and you're all over some Penguin!"

Lemo and Ambo went "Ooooooooooohhh! Steve said a bad worrrd!"

**Mr. I.W.H squealed and threw himself at Steve. "I'm so sorry, Stevie!"  
Cheesy giggled. "Stevie's the girl out of Saddle Club. I loiked her horse for a while there. Good times, goooood times."**

Penguin rolled over. And licked the ground. "Geh! It taste isk! Isk, isk, isk! Nuuuuuuu!" And rolled back over, not breathing again.

Lemo narrowed her eyes. "Damn the Saddle Club. Damn it to the North pole."

Steve hugged Mr. I.W.H. "There there, it's alright. You can make it up to me by (censored)ing me with a (censored)."

Ambo looked at Penguin. "Ahaha, ground licker!"

**"Oh I'll (censor) you with a (censored) (censor)", Mr. I.W.H said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.  
"Awww, sweet, sweet lobe..." Cheesy said, before glaring at Lemo, "Why won't you (censor) ME with a (censored) (censor)!"**

"Because…" Lemo trailed off as music started, then began to sing. "Turtledoves and pigeons feet

Salamanders and old lunch meat

And I love you

The cardboard box that I ate through

Naked little boys in the locker room

Whoa

And I love you!"

"SALMON!" Ambo yelled.

**Standing in the shadows was the ebil man-eating tapato, laughing evilly. And loudly. But nobody could hear him. 'Cause they're stupid. "Silly Penguin-lady-person. It was /I/ who set the evil little chickens and stars on you. ME! ALL MEEEEEEE!"**

**Cheesy clasped her hands together, her eyes all anime-sparkly like. "I LOBE YOU TOO, LEMO!"  
And with that, she hugged Lemo tightly like a chicken on spaghetti rolls.**

Penguin giggled real loud. "HEHE! CHICKIEZ GO BOOM!" Said she then she ran over to the weird old man guy and kicked him. Then fell asleep for a few seconds on the ground, then got up hyper and ran in a square.

Steve looked around, pausing temporarily in his (censored) acts with Mr. I.W.H. He thought he heard an ebil man-eating tapato, laughing evilly, but his overriding stupidity (not the mention the begging Mr. I.W.H begging underneath him) forced him to continue with his (censored)ness.

Lemo grinned. "AH LOVE SPAG-HETTI!"

Ambo followed the Penguin in her square dance of square-y awesome. She then prodded the half dead old man, before eating Mr. I.W.H's pants, which had flown over when he and Steve had started their (censored) acts.

**"AH LOVE HOT DOGS!" Cheesy shouted, and ran around in a rectangle before running into the wall. And dying. Just like that. No questions asked.  
...**

**cough**

It was an hour before Penguin stopped running in a square and going over to Cheesy. Though, it hadn't been an hour yet, and she continued.

"Nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Cheesy my lobe!" Lemo sobbed over Cheesy's dead…ness. "I CAN NO LONGER LIVE!" Lemo went all Juliet ('sept awesomer) and ate a poisoned pickle, joining her lobe in the land of dead…ness.

Still running, unaware of the two deaths. (Was that a record of su of the cide?) Still running. . . .though slower and slower.

Ambo paused in her Penguin chasing. "Hey, Lemo and Cheesy are dead, nuuuuuu- ooooh pants!" Yes, Ambo had located Steve's pants!

Will she eat them? Stay tuned for next weeks episode of-

Oh whatever, she ate them.

Penguin kept going, almost like superman! Oh, wait. She was superman. Penguin had died, and turned into superman! Humming the superman tune, SuperPenguin kept on running

And Lemo went to bed, Penguin took a shwa, Cheesy was abandoned, Ambo died of pants-poisoning, Steve and Mr. I.W.H carried on with their (censored) accts coz they had no pants, and the topato was eaten by the half dead old man.

THE ENDZ, BITCHES!


End file.
